[trigger] i don't need this // cyril/moon

[kaiser lucas frei]

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Fuck everything. Kaiser stood in front of the bathroom mirror of Cyril's apartment. The taller of the two had given him the keys to his home and told him to not to do anything stupid on his way there. It was funny in a way, considering that it was hard for Kai to do anything but. He was giving him impossible advice, just like everyone else. Even standing there, staring at his reflection and trying to decide if he should go through with it or not, he felt like an idiot. What would happen to his dogs? They were among the only things that were still happy to see him when he came home. "Just go ahead and fuck off." He figured someone would remember them and go take care of them. Maybe Cyril or Helena. They were both good with dogs. Kai had seen the way both of them treated Lily and Balto respectively, and even if they couldn't keep his pups, they would make sure they went to good homes. He could trust that. "I didn't ask for this." He reached for the mirror and pulled it, revealing the interior of the cabinet. Toothbrushes, toothpaste, razors, floss, and... Where was it? He was so ready for it and it wasn't here. He reached his hand around to check if there was anything his eyes weren't showing him. Perfect. Fingertips fumbled for the little white bottle with his name all over it, wrapping around it and pulling it off the shelf. His hands were shaking like an addict who needed his dosage. Closing the mirror, he was greeted once more with that stupid, broken face. When had he started getting bags under his eyes? When had he started to cry? "Cry me a fucking river." Who cried anymore? What 6'2" adult cried like a little bitch and threw temper tantrums around town like it was going out of fashion? His grip on the bottle tightened. He felt the plastic bend under his dark, callused fingers. He would have done this a lot sooner if he didn't have his Mika, Luka, and Falco. They really meant a lot to him. It was nice how people were finally asking if he was okay. For most of his life, he felt like he was being dragged across a ruined highway. He had sought out help from school councilors who just gave him the same bullshit answers they gave every kid who came crying to them. It was fucking disgusting. You could tell they didn't care, the way that they kept looking at the clock, or how they didn't even look you in the eye when you were pouring your heart to them. Kaiser had went to his mother for advice when she was still around. He broke down to her, craving the love and attention she was no longer giving him. She had told him in an irritated voice to shut up and stop crying. Kaiser stopped talking to people after that. He had wanted someone to look him in the eyes and ask if he was okay on their own accord. To take a minute out of their life to give him a hug and to tell him things would get better. He didn't want to have to pay people to fake giving a shit about him. Now he had them, and he didn't know what to do. The first thing Helena had done when they met was reach down to the defeated boy and embrace him and tell him it was okay. He had been thinking about his means to an end at that moment, too. Kai thought that maybe it was a sign to keep trying and things will get better. But he was getting tired of waiting. "I don't care about you." He had to draw the line somewhere, didn't he? Back when they were sane, didn't his parents figure that uprooting him so often would take its toll on him? Naturally, it took a little while for Kaiser to put his absolute trust into someone. He figured that the only person here that he could believe in right now was Helena, but he had seen her bleeding head and her burning, tear-stained cheeks. She had her own shit to deal with. Kaiser frowned, shaking the bottle in his hand. It was too light. He pressed on the lid and unscrewed it, disappointed to find only 10 Tylenol left. Would that do it? He poured the white, oval pills into his hand. "The whole act you put on is so fake." He felt bad that Ava was leaving in three days and he wouldn't be able to give her the good-bye he figured she deserved. But she had Dura, Cyril, and Max, plus her Legacy friends. That was good enough. He'd said bye anyway yesterday night when he went home. He was glad his father wasn't here to see him, though. To see that his shitty son, who let himself get picked on and physically harassed through his school years, was finally giving up. The son who'd gone to college and gotten kicked out and wasted a shitload of the family's money. The kid who didn't really want to hurt a fly, but always managed to ruin everything. All bark, no bite. "I won't ask you how you're doing and actually care." The German boy lifted back his head and put the pills into his mouth two at a time, gulping them down with the bottle of Jack he'd taken from Cyril's kitchen. Now to do his least favourite thing. Wait. For a good couple minutes, he just stared into the mirror; cowering under the glare of two bloodshot eyes that looked disappointed in him and the life he'd lived. His hands began to get clammy only moments later and the sweat on his face began to mix with his tears. Feeling his knees begin to give out again, the boy lowered himself down onto the cold, bathroom floor and curled into a ball. He hoped something was actually going the way he planned this time. He should have stopped making 'plans' a long time ago with how often nothing went his way. When his father began to drink, Kaiser put his trust in his older sister, Kat. She had been his rock for a lot of his life. Through the moving, through the bullying, and when their father began to drink. Kat had no reason to be scared of Dad. She was a good, smart girl, with a sweet temperament and loving, puppy-dog eyes. When was the last time he'd seen her? When she left. She gathered up all her money and moved away when she got sick of how the threads that held their family were slowly but surely coming loose. What was once a tightly knit family, baring Germany's colours proudly, was not much more than a pile of skinny fabric, separated and miscoloured. Even his little brother had a means to an escape. He lived in the dorms and spent any time out of it at his girlfriend's or his best friend's house. As far as he knew. He hadn't seen either of them in a long, long time. Everything he loved always left him. Why? "I won't care about your feelings and if they're ever hurt." His older sister was engaged, his little brother was in a good, long-term relationship. What was so... unlikable about him that no one would even give him a chance? During his AIM chat with Dura, she said she had never asked to like him. Candidly, that should have given him that fuzzy feeling in his gut that Dura always gave him and that he hated. But it was one, faded light, in a room of shadows. Why did she have to be so mean to him? She knew how he felt about her and yet she was dropping off the face of the Earth and boasting about all her great shags. When she disappeared, Kaiser had spent nearly every minute wondering if she was okay and questioning what had happened. When she had shown her face again, he had just... He wanted to cry. Like a baby. He wanted to tell her just how much he missed her and how she couldn't fucking do that to him. But he knew she would just call him a faggot and tell him he couldn't tell her what to do. But he had ran. Picked up those sore-as-hell legs of his and ran out of his house toward the girls' dorms. His legs had been burning and screaming at him to stop, but at that moment in time, Kaiser didn't care. Just didn't care. Eventually, they wore out, and Kaiser had come to a skidding halt on the curb, more than half way to the dorms. And that's when she explained herself. "You're a cunt and I don't know why I ever had any sort of feelings for you." He had spent a week stressing over her safety. She had spent a week in another town, in some older man's bedroom. Some "gorgeous", older guy whose only fault was that he was a bit of a dick. And then there was Stephen. Who if he didn't "leave the fuck alone", would cause problems, in Dura's words. He had threatened the younger kid and told him in various ways to off himself. Something hot was forcing his way up his throat. Kaiser turned to the site and felt his insides pour out of him. The smell was revolting, but what the hell. He was sure he wouldn't have to endure it for much longer. He felt bad that he had threatened Stephen like that after the times that people had tried to belittle Kaiser. He knew how it felt and yet he was pouring venom onto some poor, unsuspecting victim. Steph hadn't seemed shaken up, but then, Kaiser used to have a pretty great poker face himself. He was glad that he had made some sort of amends with the boy before turning off his phone. And he felt some sort of peace knowing that Stephen had promised to treat Dura well. Things in the room began to blur, and a soft force was ushering him to sleep. Close your eyes, close your eyes. He was sure that if he hadn't laid down, his legs would be failing him again. It was almost disappointing that he was already on the ground. He wanted to feel the impact. He just wanted to feel something. More vomit absconded from his stomach. Kaiser shuddered when his insides were finished spilling at the half-way point between his stomach and the floor. The blurriness his eyes were exposed to began to fade away into a welcoming darkness, and he shut them. He was ready to sleep. He felt like he was always tired, now, and this was the slumber that would finally rejuvenate him. Except that he was hoping he wouldn't wake up. "Glad that's settled." LISTEN UP! THIS POST IS FOR CYRIL/MOON. IT HAS SOME WORDS. HE IS CURRENTLY WEARING SOME CLOTHES. BY THE WAY, HE'S KIND OF UNDER THE WEATHER OK?. OH, AND THIS TEMPLATE WAS MADE BY DUCK DUCK'S NOT A GOOSE

[/COLOR] AT CAUTION 2.0. DON'T STEAL. IT'S DOUCHEY.[/COLOR][/div][/center][/td][/tr]
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[cyril jett winchester]

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AND IGNITE YOUR BONES

- - - - AND I WILL TRY TO FIX YOU

Cold hands reached for keys in a pocket. He had expected Kaiser not to respond to him, that was true. But at least one text telling him to shut up or fuck off would've been enough, honestly. What were once bright and shining emerald eyes looked more like a deep and dark forest as he was lost i thought. At Maxie's house the part had been fun and amazingly great. But once midnight struck he left with Ava and her friend, Austin.

His hands fumbled with the key and lock, too worried to stop himself from shaking. What if Kaiser was laying on a street again? Cyril would look further this time. When he finally opened the door he sighed with exasperation. The door wasn't locked which meant that Kaiser was home. At least there was that.

would it be okay if i got hit by a car.

Cy's blood turned cold. He shivered at the thought. Kaiser dying wouldn't be a good thing. Hell, he wouldn't let it happen on his watch. At that point, he realized just how badly he had fallen for Kaiser in such a short time, and he honestly didn't want to sty this attached to him… But the golden skinned coloured boy had a certain charm that made Cyril keep falling head over heels for him.

He sighed again, he seemed to be doing that a lot lately. He walked through the house, looking for Kaiser. When he say the bathroom door closed, he guessed he was inside. Knocking softly, so to not surprise his friend too much Cy announced his presence. "Kaiser, it's Cyril, you might want to get out of there soon." The tall man's word were barely above a whisper.

As he arrived to his room, Cy texted Kaiser, just to make sure he got the message. Dropping his coat on his bed, Cyril went back to the bathroom door, and texted Kaiser again. When he heard the buzzing come from the floor, his first thought was Maybe he fell asleep. So he toyed with the doorknob, finding out it was locked. When he proceeded to bang on the door and scream the German boy's name, Cy's panic grew as there was still no answer.

Opening the door the only way he figured out how, by kicking it down, he was greeted with the stench of puke. Almost falling to his knees and puking, himself, he saw Kaiser laying there, passed out. He looked like a fragile doll of wood, arms and legs placed ever so rightly to make him seem sound asleep.

"KAISER,"

Cyril's scream sounded louder than he expected it, but he could care less at the moment. He dragged his legs, that were refusing to obey him, to Kaiser's body. Tears had already started swelling up in his eyes. He noticed the bottle of tylenol not too far from him and guessed what had happened.

"Kaiser, Kaiser open those eyes for me, c'mon."

Weak arms started grabbing at Kaiser's clothes, and then back, bringing his body to him. Streams of water fell down Cyril's face and onto either Kaiser's or the floor. He didn't want this. He wanted Kaiser, moody, but alive, not like this.

"Kaiser, come on. Don't do this to me. Please… I-"

I need you.

A lump formed in Cyril's throat before he could end his sentence. Then everything went so fast and in such a blur he barely registered any of it. One thing was for sure, he was screaming into the phone, calling 911. He remembered carrying Kaiser down the stairs, bridal style, in a hurry. Telling Ava he needed help.

Then lights, loud noises, panicking people everywhere, and Cyril looking one last time at that beautiful brown face before he was packed in the ambulance. He almost made a mad dash for him and would have succeeded had it not been for Ava, holding him back.

Then?

Silence. A huge, black, empty silence. Cyril felt hollow inside, broken even. People were cleaning the puke in his apartment, but he couldn't even bring himself to care. All of a sudden his eyes, that had been getting brighter and brighter ever since he met Kai and the others, got dark. Emerald green became dark forest green and his tears felt like acid against his skin.

His knees hit the pavement and he made no show of hiding his pain. He was suffering, and if Kaiser died, he would feel like it was all his fault. Hell, it was his fault. He should've gone back with him. He should've checked up on him sooner, no instead Cyril let Kaiser go, when he was clearly not being himself. If only he had hid all of those pills. Those damned pills.

Anger started swelling up in his chest. Why did he do it. Didn't he know Cyril cared? Even if Kaiser saw it in a friendly way, it didn't matter, what mattered was that Kai had gone and been an idiot. He would've given it all away instead of trying to make something better.

He stood up, wiping his tears. He let Ava stay, though she probably followed him as he ran to the hospital. He got in and went to the front desk, asking if Kaiser had been admitted in yet.

He's still in the emergency room. Your friend's stomach needs to be pumped a lot.

Still in the emergency room? It didn't calm Cyril's panic and anger at all. So he did something he would have never thought of doing. He asked the woman at the counter for a cigarette and a lighter, thankfully she had both and didn't mind him borrowing the lighter.

He went outside and sat down by the wall. He put the cancer stick to his lips and lit the tip. He inhaled the poisonous gas and kept it in for a bit, feeling it burn his insides. He let the puff of smoke out, not minding if anyone saw him, hell he didn't care if anyone who knew him saw him. When he finished it, he crushed the bud on the wall and brought his knees to his face, wrapping his arms around his legs.

He stayed outside until the sun rose, and a couple more minutes, he didn't know if he fell asleep or not. He had stopped crying when the anger first started, but now even the anger was dying down.

tagged .

[/b] motherfucking Kaiser words .[/b] who the fuck counts
notes .[/b] Why Kaiser. Why.[/color]

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