forever is over [mae/triggers]

[jude garret miller]

[/style][style=width:360px; background: #343333][style=font-family: georgia; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: 2px; color: #ffffff; text-align: center;] I'M GONNA CLIMB ON TOP

your ivory tower, i'll hold your hand and we'll jump right out, we'll be falling, falling, but that's okay.

The vibration of the door slamming still shook through him, even though she'd been gone for at least twenty minutes. Or so he thought who knew? He'd since finished the bottle of vodka he'd had in his hand and was now pulling off the cap to the biggest bottle of Southern Comfort that he had. And he wasted no time in getting the liquid down his neck, he needed it, he needed it to make him feel better well, no even to do that. He needed it to make him feel numb. What he really wanted was for the ground to swallow him up, to not be on planet Earth any more. He had wanted that for a long, long time though, but he'd always had Kat. Now with her gone...he didn't see how he would be able to carry on. She was his absolute everything. And he'd thrown her out of his life. For good.

And now here he was, alone, in his kitchen, completely hammered and still drinking from the bottle. At five in the evening. If only he could say it wasn't a regular scene, but it was, in fact, it was more frequent than not. Normally he would go and lay in his bed, continuing to drink or lounge around on his sofa...but neither were happening today. Instead he found himself stumbling through his kitchen area, not looking for anything in particular but coming across something that caught his eye anyway. He pulled out one of the knives from the knife rack that sat on the counter top, admiring it in his drunken state. But not for the purpose it was originally designed for. It was sharp, very sharp. A meat knife of some kind and he found himself wondering, would it kill him?

His verdict was yes,it definitely could, it was certainly sharp enough and if he thrust hard he could probably get it in quite deep. Sure he could possibly drink himself to death but,he wasn't sure if he had enough alcohol in his room for that and anyway, people could save him from that. Plunging a knife into his own abdomen would be a sure thing...at least that's what he hoped. He continued to mull it over for a short while before deciding it would be the best course of action. He took a few more swigs of his drink to build his courage before setting it down on the counter and wrapping both of his hands around the handle of the knife.

Without her he had nothing, absolutely nothing at all. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him and he had thrown it all away, like he did with everything. This wasn't his place and it wasn't his time, there had been so many signs along the way to tell him that. Only now did he believe that he was listening to them. Finally doing the right thing for once. He pointed the tip of the blade towards his stomach, moving his hands so that it was firmly pressed against his skin. He took a few deep breaths, gripping the handle tightly. Every fibre in his being told him not to do it, apart from one. And that tiny little fibre won the battle in the end and before he could give himself the chance to back out, he drew his hands back slightly and then plunged the knife deep inside his stomach. The wind was knocked out of him and he opened his mouth as if to scream but not a sound came out as he crumpled to the floor.

He hadn't thought about the pain, that wasn't something he had taken into account but, it was done now, all he had to do was wait.Wait while in a serious amount of pain, but that was passing slowly. The more blood that seeped out of him, the less pain he felt, like his pain was coming out of him at the same time. And as his shirt soaked through and a puddle of blood started forming around his torso his conciousness was leaving him too. And rapidly. This was it. He'd find out whether there really was a big guy up there and if there was. Well he'd be able to see the woman he had loved most in the world once more...that was all he wanted. To see his mother.

OUTFIT: coming NOTES: ...ugh

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[Dakota Noel Kaelimm]

Worried didn’t even begin to cover how Kota was feeling in that moment. Kat and Jude had had fights before, but not this bad. He knew that something this time was different. He didn’t know what had happened or what the fight was over. He didn’t know what was said. All he knew was that Jude had told Kat to get out of his life. Drastic words, even for Jude. So here Kota sat, sitting outside Jude’s door knocking ever so often and asking his friend to let him in. As long as he heard moving around he knew that everything was fine. He doubted that Jude would do anything too stupid. Probably just drink until he passed out. Which could be hours for all he knew.

Kota heard the noises from inside slow a bit and got to his feet. ‘Jude?’ he yelled through the door. He could still hear a few movements, but Kota didn’t like where this was going. Even though most times, Jude drunk was just fun and the life of the party, sometimes a drunk Jude was not a good one. Kota was more than aware of that. This seemed like one of those times that a drunk Jude was not such a great idea. ‘Jude?’ he questioned a bit more frantically. He just needed some sign that his friend was ok. A crash. Him yelling for Kota to go away. Kota would take anything at this point.

And that’s when Kota heard it. A huge thud. The sound that Kota had been dreading. Every thought drained from his body and before he knew it, he was inside Jude’s room. He didn’t exactly remember how he got in there, all he knew was that the adrenaline was pacing so hard through his body that he couldn’t stop. He turned the corner to the kitchen and he saw him. His best friend lying on the floor with a kitchen life stuck in his abdomen. Kota dropped to his knees not really knowing what to do. After what felt like hours but in reality was a couple of seconds it hit him that he needed to call 911. He took his phone out of his pocket and quickly dialed the three numbers that could possibly save his friend’s life. He didn’t remember the conversation or hanging up. He just remembered trying not to cry as he shook Jude trying to keep him from slipping from reality.

[jude garret miller]

[/style][style=width:360px; background: #343333][style=font-family: georgia; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: 2px; color: #ffffff; text-align: center;] I'M GONNA CLIMB ON TOP

your ivory tower, i'll hold your hand and we'll jump right out, we'll be falling, falling, but that's okay.

It didn't hurt any more and Jude took that as a good sign, a sign that he wasn't going to have to deal with his life any longer. And life was a very generous term for it. When the two people that love you, aren't even your parents you know something, somewhere down the line has gone wrong and Jude had had plenty of things go wrong in his life. His dad hadn't loved him for a long time now at best his father was apathetic towards his son, his own flesh and blood. It was hard to believe that they had been close when he was a young child. Although he figure that trait in his father must always have been in him, he couldn't just throw away his love for his son so easily if it hadn't. But as a child, like most young boys, his father had been his hero.

And he'd be lucky if his hero even bothered to show up at his funeral. If he even got one.

But he didn't care if he did or not after all it would be a waste. Who would turn up? Kat wouldn't, not any more, she didn't care any more so why would it bother her that he had decided to take himself off the planet? Dakota, maybe. But he was pretty sure his friend would get over it pretty quickly, he had other friends, people to take his mind off of it and soon they would all carry on without him and all would be fine again. And then, that was it, there were no more names that stood out, especially not right now as he lay on the floor of his kitchen, blood pouring out of him with his unbroken hand still lightly wrapped around the handle of the knife.

There was a crashing sound but he wasn't paying attention to it, his eyes were slowly closing and all he could hear was his pulse booming away inside of him, frantically trying to replace the blood he was quickly loosing. But it was fighting a battle it was not going to win, blood was leaking out of him faster than more could be made. And he felt his life seeping away. He still had time though, more time than he thought he would have had and if he had been lucid it might have made him more thoughtful. Instead the blood loss combined with the alcohol was just making him sleepy, until he felt somebody shaking him where he lay. Jude flicked his eyes open a little more, despite how heavy they were feeling, and glanced up towards whoever it was beside him. His vision was blurred but he didn't need clear vision to see who it was.

"...Ko." He managed to say but it was barely even a whisper, his mouth hardly even moving to allow him to make the sound. And now he realised he was going to die in front of his friend and that wasn't something he had accounted for. Jude hoped he would forgive him for it, for not going off somewhere to die in the way that animals did. It would have been the kind of death he deserved.

OUTFIT: - NOTES: sorry kota

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[Dakota Noel Kaelimm]

Dakota’s jaw was clenched tight. He really was trying to keep his cool. He just wanted to make sure his friend pulled through. He couldn’t have him dying on him. He was his best friend and they were practically family. Family didn’t let family just die. Kota was trying not to bounce much to make sure that Jude stayed stationary so that the blood flowing out of his friend was the least possible amount. He had already called the hospital it was just a matter of seconds before they got there. But in a situation like this every second counted and all Dakota could hope for was that the ambulance and the EMTs got there before there weren’t any seconds left.

A small glimmer of hope rose in Dakota as he saw his friend’s mouth move in a familiar motion. He could tell he was speaking a nickname that only him and Kat called him. Something special for the two people he held in the highest regard in his life. ‘It’s ok Jude. It will be ok. You’re going to be ok.’ Kota was praying that Jude couldn’t hear the tremble in his voice as he spoke these words. He was scared. He wanted to cry. But those were two things he wouldn’t let Jude see. He had to be strong for him.

The time he sat there with his friend and the time that the EMTs got there blurred together. All he knew was that they showed up and Jude was instantly rushed out of the dorms, Kota hot on their heels, cell phone in hand. He pushed it up to his face waiting for Kat to answer just hoping she picked up on the first call. ‘Jude is going to the emergency room Kat. Meet me at the hospital.’ He didn’t give her time to react before he hung up. He had to focus on getting into the ambulance and to the hospital before he lost his best friend for good.

[jude garret miller]

[/style][style=width:360px; background: #343333][style=font-family: georgia; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: 2px; color: #ffffff; text-align: center;] I'M GONNA CLIMB ON TOP

your ivory tower, i'll hold your hand and we'll jump right out, we'll be falling, falling, but that's okay.

There was no more that he could do. He could barely get out his friends name and even that he hadn't really managed. And with each second that ticked slowly by the ability for him to comprehend what was going on around him diminished more and more. His sense of time quickly faded along with that. He didn't know how long he had been laying there for or for even how long Kota had been there. His mind was tricking him, telling him he had been there for hours before convincing him that he'd only been there for a few minutes. He really didn't know and now...he didn't really care.

All he wanted was for it to be over, for it to just end. He loved Kota, he was like a brother to him or at least what he thought a brother would be like. It wasn't like Jude had ever had a proper family so he didn't really have anything to compare it too but he assumed that Dakota was damn close to being a sibling. And he really did not want his friend seeing him like this, watching him die. Then he realised he had probably called an ambulance and even though he didn't want his friend too see him die, he could only hope it didn't arrive in time. He needed this, he needed to die and he hoped Kota would understand that, even if he couldn't tell him right now and explain it to him.

Time was still dragging by when he felt the presence of more people in the room. He was too out of it by now to tell what was going on around him. Things were being said but he didn't know what, the voices were muffled but every so often the familiar voice of his best friend would chime in with the mix. And then before he knew it he was being wheeled out down the corridor, Jude now slipping in and out of conciousness, losing time every time he closed his eyes. The periods of conciousness got shorter and shorter, by the time he was in the back of the ambulance they had stopped altogether. He had slipped from reality completely.

OUTFIT: - NOTES: sorry kota

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