° SO I THINK IT’S BEST WE BOTH FORGET

[DEVIN ANDREW FULLER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: dddddd; border: #386337 solid 8px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] or maybe I should kill myself The Words: 702 Reserved: pepper The Notes powerwalk. There was always going to be that longing, that burning desire for something that he couldn’t have. He had heard that saying so many times, but never in his life had he ever thought it’d apply to him. Wanting something wasn’t supposed to be something that applied to him, he wasn’t supposed to be in these kind of situations. Coping had been just fine with brick walls built up past the lines of sky – that, of course had all crumbled down in just a few weeks when it had taken years to build. He wanted to kick himself for letting it all happen, that he hadn’t even tried to put up a fight. Now he had to get away, to gather himself back up and not make the same mistake that he had again. Disappearing was proving harder than he intended, and falling of the face of the earth while being trapped at a boarding school where it wasn’t all that hard to find him. He had been playing the ‘avoid Seth game’ for the past week, and he was feeling like he had done a pretty good job so far. He had turned off his phone, left it in his bedside table to use the feeble excuse of losing his phone if he just happened to bump it to him. It had actually taken a bit of planning to find spots to go where he couldn’t be found (or at least he hoped so). Devin was a creature of habit, and it was proving to be increasingly difficult as the days went on. He wanted to do the same things he always did, follow the exact same pattern. Avoiding people and forgetting was something that he had always considered to be a stronger skill of his, but apparently once again Seth proved to be the exception of that. He had sunk right back in to his own pit of misery, trying to lose the thoughts of bright green eyes, soft curls and a voice that could send chills down his spine if he let his guard down enough. It was as if the mere thought of reminding himself not to think of him had jinxed him, he heard the all too familiar voice call out, ”Devin! Hey, Devin! Don’t walk away I know you see me!” Along with the familiar lanky figure making his way over toward him from the corner of his eye (with someone else he didn’t recognize on his heels – Ev perhaps? Devin had no idea and had no intention on finding out). His heart throbbed in his chest, his stomach clenching with the unwelcomed onslaught of emotion that just came from a single glance and hearing his voice. He needed to swallow it back, to kill the fluttering in the pit of his stomach. Though the feeling never lasted long, the reminder that it wasn’t him and that he loved someone else was enough to smother the disgusting fluttering sensation almost instantly, though brought on even more overwhelming sensations. He felt like he was almost living in a constant sensory overload these past few weeks, that everything was just too much. Lowering his gaze to the ground, he continued off to the direction of the lake just like he had planned. The sound of footfalls behind him told him that he wasn’t going to win, but he continued to walk just a bit faster in hopes that he’d give up. After a few moments of walking, Devin realized he wasn’t going to win. “Fuck it,” he mumbled, turning around to see the boy walking with purpose toward him – looking far from impressed with the other boy tagging along behind him. Raising his brow at him slowly, he gave him a ‘what the hell are you doing?’ look, though trying his hardest to keep any other trace of emotion void on his face. Realizing he had no escape, his shoulders slouched a bit, his hands shoving in to his hoodie pockets. “Seth,” he stated flatly once he was close enough to hear, physically recoiling a step back as if the physical distance between them would stop the ache bubbling under his chest. Bitter laced words slipped out before he could stop them, sliding right off his tongue as he looked off past him rather than directly at him: “To what do I owe the pleasure?” created by ADE! Pb-ified by WILL

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[edward dean bradley]

if only, if only ,

Eddie and Seth had never really gotten along. Since they were kids, it seemed that Seth had had some sort of personal vendetta against Eddie - like the sole purpose of Seth's life when Eddie was around was to take Eddie down a notch. Eddie had never let it bother him too much; after all, he had a family who loved him and a handful of close friends, and Seth's approval wasn't something he yearned for, especially. Getting mouthfuls of sand whenever they went to the beach, or being shoved off the couch whenever they were watching a movie... it got tiring, but Eddie figured, if it gave Seth some sort of enjoyment, he'd put up with it. Though, Eddie's kindness seemed to only infuriate Seth more. But that was hardly Eddie's fault; Eddie couldn't have been mean if he tried. He wasn't sure even how.

Coming to Easton, however, changed things. Because now, Seth was the one with the life and the friends, and Eddie was a nameless newcomer. Seth was the only familiar face and, while Eddie had never had any difficulty making friends, everything here was somehow strained. Tense. Suspicious. Eddie didn't like it, and so he stuck to Seth's side as Seth grumpily showed him the dorms, his classes, the grounds. He knew his cousin wasn't doing this out of the kindness of his heart - knew his mother had somehow twisted Seth's arm into it, one way or another. Apparently, that was the only way to get Seth to do anything nowadays. Since the incident. But Eddie wasn't allowed to say anything about that; Seth had made it perfectly clear the moment Eddie's mother left, the moment the two of them were alone. So, Eddie kept his mouth shut tight, not even daring ask the multitude of questions that had gathered in his head as Seth guided him through his brand new life.

The most surprising thing, so far, was the fact that a lot of people seemed to know Seth. No - that a lot of people seemed to like Seth. Eddie had always thought of him as trouble, as the family's black sheep, as the pair of accusing eyes across the dinner table. According to everything he'd been told, and all of his encounters with his cousin, Seth was bad news. But Seth's I'd rather be doing anything but this expression broke every time someone said, 'hello', to be replaced by a bright, friendly smile that took Eddie right off guard. So, he stuck to him in mute fear and shock, brain struggling to cope with the strangeness of the situation.

The lake was the final place they wandered. Seth pointed out the girls' dorms, visible in the distance, adding, "not that you'd really have a reason to go there, would you, purity ring?" Eddie hadn't really understood what he meant - he didn't even have a purity ring - but he was too scared to ask for an explanation. Then, they were walking along the trail, Seth frowning like he did and Eddie trailing like he did, eyes fixed on the ground.

He jumped nearly a foot in the air when, out of nowhere, Seth started yelling. At first, Eddie thought it was at him, but when he looked up he saw that Seth was a few feet ahead of him, walking briskly and purposefully toward a figure who was obviously trying to get away. "W-" he began, but decided against requesting an explanation and instead trotted after his cousin, wondering what all the fuss was about. When the person they were after finally turned around (because, obviously, Seth was not going to let them get away), Eddie only glanced very quickly at his face before dropping his gaze again, feeling like he was intruding on some sort of private argument. He winced at the strange boy's acidic words, stepping a little closer to Seth as if to hide behind him. Seth only let out an impatient huff, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You can't avoid me forever, Dev. And don't pretend like you're not, I'm not stupid," Seth replied, but he sounded more hurt than angry, and Eddie looked over at him, still confused by the apparent duality of his character. Seth paid Eddie no mind as he continued. "Don't worry, though, that's not what this is about. I wanted to introduce you to -" Seth turned, grabbing Eddie's arm and pulling him forward, shoving him in the general direction of the other boy. Eddie stumbled a bit and then stopped, giving him an awkward smile, "- my cousin," Seth finished, patting Eddie's shoulder in a way that might have been mistaken as proud. "Eddie, meet Devin. Dev, this is Eddie. Eddie's a soph. He's new. I've shown him the basics, but I've got things to do, so..." he gave Eddie a second push, and Eddie turned half toward him, starting to open his mouth in protest, "take good care of him!"

And, just like that, Seth was hurrying away along the trail. Eddie gaped after him for a moment before turning back to Devin, not wanting to be rude and run off like Seth had done. "Um," he scratched the back of his neck, awkward smile returning, "how... how do you know Seth?"

Bitter.Sweet.Sundown. @caution

[DEVIN ANDREW FULLER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: dddddd; border: #386337 solid 8px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] or maybe I should kill myself The Words: 633 Reserved: pepper The Notes powerwalk. He mentally kicked himself when he finally took the time to meet Seth’s gaze, the obvious traces of hurt lingering in his eyes caused Devin to almost recoil. Licking his lips, he lowered his gaze, shifting his weight from foot to foot. Taking in a breath to try and calm the familiar tightness in his chest with Seth’s presence, a shaky sigh slipped through his lips. He was itching to reach in to his pocket and pull out the carton and lighter, but he fought back every urge and allowed the sickening feeling to take over him. The tone of his voice caused even more guilt to seep through with every breath, something that felt almost foreign to him as he looked up to narrow his eyes at Seth. His comment that he wasn’t stupid allowed a harsh, yet quiet bout of laughter slip through his lips. “You aren’t? Hmm,” He jeered, clenching his teeth together tightly. Swallowing hard, he tried to ignore everything that went on around him – putting everything he could in to not just focusing on Seth in front of him like he normally would. Everything was out of alignment now, he had gone the past few weeks focusing on nothing but Seth and now he was trying to force himself back to the balance he had been where it started. The world was tilted off its axis, and he was struggling to stand and stay in balance once again. He was scrambling, just as he had been for this past little bit – right when he had caught his footing, something happened to throw him violently in the other direction. This was exactly what he had tried to avoid, things like this. His gaze shifted over to the boy that he shoved forward, furrowing his brow more. Playing with his jaw rigidly, he let out a loud sigh of annoyance in Seth’s direction (one that he made sure that would most likely be heard). Before he knew what was happening Seth was telling him to take care of the kid that was apparently his cousin (and not Ev, or whatever his name was). Blinking over at the taller brunette with a blank expression, Devin growled under his breath as Seth walked away just as fast as he had come. Now what possibly could he have to do? He was tempted to yell that after him, but it was far more effort than he wanted to put out and he had been avoiding him… meaning that he didn’t exactly want to attract him back over to him. Furrowing his brow when the kid smiled at him, Dev reached in to his pocket finally and pulled out the carton of cigarettes that he had been itching for. Falling in to the easy routine of lighting in, he too in an easy breath and exhaled heavily, trying to calm the sensation of being on edge that hadn’t gone away since he had gotten here. It had dulled, become like a background noise but never faded, now he was stuck with the constant feeling haunting him stronger than before. For a moment he felt stumped when the boy (whose name he had already forgotten) asked how he knew Seth. “Uh,” he stammered, taking in another long drag. “I l- he’s – he’s my best – we’re,” he frowned, stopping himself. “He’s my friend. We’re friends.” He decided on that, leaving it short and simple. It wasn’t like he was one to blurt out that he was kind of, just maybe liking him a bit too much – nor was he going to say he was his best friend, and his only friend. Averting his gaze down to the grass under his feet, he toed at the blades a bit before eventually looking back up. Realizing he still had the pack in his hand, he held them out in offer to the other boy. “Want one?” He inquired, shifting awkwardly as he asked. created by ADE! Pb-ified by WILL

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[edward dean bradley]

if only, if only ,

Eddie cringed a little at Seth's friend?'s annoyed sigh, feeling suddenly very unwelcome and very out of place. Clearly, something bad was going on between the two of them, and - while Eddie's first instinct was to try and make it all better - there was something very intimidating about the scruffy, dark-eyed boy. Especially when he looked at Eddie, because his gaze was the sort that could burn holes right through a person. All Eddie could do, really, was stare back and try to act like he wasn't as frightened as he was, though he took a quite telling step back toward Seth (who promptly pushed him forward again). He was starting to think Seth was trying to get him killed. He would have to call his mother later, tell her that the whole 'have Seth show you around' idea was backfiring completely.

Fortunately, the boy quickly returned his attention to Seth... for all of two seconds before Seth sprinted off down the path. And then, they were alone. Eddie wasn't usually an awkward person, but this wasn't exactly a normal situation for anybody (as far as Eddie could tell. Maybe it was completely normal, maybe Seth did this all the time and that's why... Devin looked so grumpy and put out), so he stuttered out his words and silently prayed for his safety.

When Devin refused to return his smile, Eddie was a bit put out, but he didn't let that stop him from keeping the jovial expression on his face. He watched with a pleasant sort of uncertainty as his companion reached into his pocket, pulled out the cigarettes. His smile did falter a little, at that. Cigarettes were bad news; he'd seen photos of smokers' lungs, knew of the evils of addiction. Part of him wanted to hop right in and start explaining all these things to Devin, but part of him felt like now was not the best time. Not when they were standing in the wilderness where Devin could punch him in the face and run off and nobody would be any the wiser.

He watched as Devin took a drag, waiting awkwardly for him to answer. When, finally, Devin did manage a reply, it was just as jumbled and forced as Eddie's question had been. But, somehow, this was good news. It meant that Devin felt just as strange and out of place as Eddie himself, and his wavering smile came back full force as he nodded, eyes crinkling in a friendly way. "Oh, that's neat. You know, I'm surprised at how many friends Seth has... everybody seems to really like him. It's nice." Everything was starting to feel okay. Until, of course, Devin offered Eddie a cigarette. Eddie jumped a bit as if he'd been stung, staring at the box in horror and shuffling back, shaking his head quickly. "No, no... thank you, but," he glanced, wide-eyed, at Devin, "I don't want cancer."

Bitter.Sweet.Sundown. @caution

[DEVIN ANDREW FULLER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: dddddd; border: #386337 solid 8px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] or maybe I should kill myself The Words: 633 Reserved: pepper The Notes powerwalk. Devin blinked at the boy questioningly when he commented on the fact Seth had friends. It wasn’t much of a surprise to him, considering Seth quite liked people. He considered Seth to be quite likeable (which said a lot considering Devin didn’t really like anyone to begin with). People liked Seth, and Seth liked people, sure Dev wasn’t the most intelligent at times – but two and two connected and made sense to him. He was the other end of the magnet, putting two positives, or negatives in Devin’s case didn’t work. Raising his brow over at the boy, he was half tempted to ask – to dig in to why he found this all so surprising. He refrained from it though, not feeling the need to dig deeper than he already had – if he was trying to climb his way out, he didn’t need to try and find something else just to send him in over his head. Humming around his cigarette, he pulled the stick from his lips. Amusement glimmering in his dark eyes at how quickly he recoiled back, saying no as politely as he could. The word cancer caused his stomach to knot, his skin prickling just at the word. The disease is what had torn his perfect family to pieces, ripped him to shreds – yet every day he drove the risk of being toyed in its hands higher and higher. Hypocritical? Perhaps. It had all started as a ‘just one time’ thing that had blossomed in to a coping mechanism. Addiction had begun to rear its ugly head and smother any chance that logic once had. He was driven on by the desire for nicotine every morning, desperate for the soothing taste on his tongue as he slid from the sheets. “Alright,” he replied quietly, his voice rough. Studying Eddie for a moment, he pursed his lips in thought. “To each to their own,” he added with a shrug. Gesturing for him to follow, he made his way down to the lake, where he felt a bit better smoking not in the complete view of everyone. It wasn’t being caught that he was afraid of, it was getting them taken away or something absurd like that. Being expelled – suspended, he could deal with that. He kind of wondered what his parents reaction would be if it came down to that, but at the same time he didn’t exactly want to find out. Looking over at Eddie over his shoulder, a cloud of smoke wavering in front of his face as he exhaled. “What has Seth shown you so far?” He asked, deciding that the quicker he dealt with this the better it’d be for both of their sakes. created by ADE! Pb-ified by WILL

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[edward dean bradley]

if only, if only ,

Eddie blinked back at the boy - Devin, he kept having to remind himself of his name, trying to act like he wasn't some dark and mysterious stranger who could murder him at any moment. Not that Eddie thought he would, he'd just heard a few things about this school, and they were unsettling. He still wasn't quite sure why his parents had insisted on sending him here. He wasn't like Seth, he knew that, and it sounded like this place was dangerous... but there was no point dwelling on that, now. It wouldn't do well to start his new life off on a fearful foot. He watched Devin pull the cigarette from his mouth, pressing his lips into a thin line. It was a horrible habit. Maybe the cancer comment had been a bit too much, but Eddie had been raised on photographs of blackened lungs, and he wouldn't wish something like that on his worst enemy.

He licked his lips nervously as Devin studied him, swallowed hard at his reply. Well, that wasn't... hostile. It wasn't friendly, either, but Eddie could work with not-friendly. He'd had his fair share of not-friendly people. He was pleasantly surprised when Devin gestured for him to follow (suddenly, all killer thoughts vanished from his mind, because he felt like this was more progress than an ambush). He trotted along after him, not finding it too difficult to keep up, looking curiously around at the scenery. "It's very nice here," he commented brightly, deciding it would be best if he didn't let Devin's mood bother him too much. Maybe, if he was persistent, he would manage to turn this mysterious boy into a friend.

He tried not to cough as the acrid smell of Devin's smoky breath found its way into his lungs, turning and breathing slowly out, trying to inconspicuously grab a breath of fresh, clean air before turning back. His expression turned thoughtful for a moment as he went over what he and Seth had done in his mind. He opted to not tell Devin about how Seth had threatened him to keep his "loud mouth shut" the minute Eddie's mother had driven away (which Eddie found a little funny, considering Eddie had never been especially loud ever, but Seth had also seemed really serious and deadly and Eddie had sworn to pretend like everything was just fine and dandy), and instead answered: "He showed me where my dorm was, and kind of... pointed out the school. And told me not to go out at night. And then power-walked me down here." Eddie smirked in spite of himself. His cousin had never been the sort to inspire laughter - at least, in Eddie's exposure to him - but his antics in the past hour or so had, strangely enough, been a tiny bit amusing.

Bitter.Sweet.Sundown. @caution

[DEVIN ANDREW FULLER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: dddddd; border: #386337 solid 8px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] or maybe I should kill myself The Words: 633 Reserved: pepper The Notes powerwalk. Devin didn’t exactly know how he felt about Videlict, or Easton in general. He had only been away from the town once, a minor excursion and it had been hell going back. When it came to own school over being at home, Devin preferred being here. There wasn’t the constant harassment from his parents – they didn’t have to know when he didn’t go to class, they didn’t get to know if he came home that night or not. He was perfectly content with that style of living, not having the constant stream of questions was absolutely fine in his books. Even with all the crazy rumours that went around in the town, Devin would say that he did prefer being at school than at home. He didn’t have to spend hours restlessly roaming around, then dealing with his parents accusations of being off doing things that he certainly wasn’t doing. He was a lost cause, but a careless addict was not something Devin would ever let himself be. Nights had been spent just wandering, lost to his own thoughts with nothing but the dim light of his phone and burning ember falling form the stick between his lips. School was better than being at home. He could say that, but he didn’t necessarily like it here. Then again he didn’t know if he’d ever find a place that he actually liked. His mind wandered to somewhere like Alaska where it was always dark and cold, it seemed rather fitting – maybe that’d be somewhere he could go. Isolation at its finest – though money was an issue because it wasn’t like he could see himself getting a job any time soon… or graduating, but that was a whole other debate in itself that Devin didn’t even want to think about. “It’s alright,” he decided aloud, shrugging his shoulders over at taller boy. It was better than being at home, and he could see why some people really liked it here- so yeah, it was sure alright. Devin wasn’t exactly the best person to be pointing things out; it wasn’t like he went anywhere. He went from his dorm to the lake, then kind of around to wherever suited his fancy. There was a cafeteria – that was something of general importance… along with the fact that there was a stadium – he didn’t even know if the kid played sports or not (it was by total fluke he even know where the place was, then again it wasn’t like it was hard to miss). “I haven’t been going here long myself,” he admitted, “so I’m not exactly the best person to be showing you around.” The worst part was he didn’t actually know anyone else he could pawn him off on, the whole only kind of having one friend was a major downfall in these kinds of situations. “Do you play any sports?” He asked, “the football stadium is huge. It’s just a ways this way,”/color] he mumbled, taking a long drag form his cigarette before walking off in the direction toward the stadium. created by ADE! Pb-ified by WILL

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[edward dean bradley]

[/style][style=width: 321px; height: 250px; overflow: auto; border-top: 13px solid #000000; font-family: arial; font-size:11px; color:#000000; background-color:transparent; line-height: 98%; text-align: justify; padding-top: 10px;]Eddie nodded vaguely at Devin's comment, smiling a little. 'Alright' wasn't the most ideal answer, but it would do. Besides, 'alright' things had hope. 'Alright' things could be made into 'fantastic', 'incredible' - all it took was a little bit of work, and a little bit of imagination. Eddie had a feeling Seth's requirement to give him a tour had been fulfilled (in Seth's opinion, anyway), and that he would generally have to fend for himself from this point on. And what better way to fend for himself than to make a friend out of this strange, quiet boy? Sure, he was a little threatening, but Eddie had always believed in the best of people, and this time was no different.

Besides, he seemed like a bit of a recluse, which made him a perfect target for friendship; Eddie had never been especially good at making friends (he wasn't sure why), but he was excited by the prospect of starting anew. Just like Seth apparently had. Maybe he should even thank Seth for dumping him on Devin.

Eddie shrugged when Devin insisted that he wasn't the best person to be showing him around. "Oh, that's fine," he reassured him. Because he felt, somehow, that he needed reassuring. "How long have you been here? We could always explore together!" Actually, that sounded like a grand idea. Eddie could just imagine all the adventures they'd have. There were, for example, all the lake side trails. And then the school itself, which was really old and probably had all sorts of secrets. Not to mention, all the fun activities that much be available in and around town... all of that would be so much more fun with somebody beside him. And Devin was, well, a convenient person.

Eddie positively beamed when Dev asked him a question about himself. Maybe he wasn't as uninterested in people as he pretended to be. Maybe he did care about things. Maybe he was just shy.

"I play some," Eddie fell into step beside him, hands in his pockets to fend off the cold, "I do track - there's probably a track team here, isn't there? I love running, it's great. Especially in the mornings. And I also know how to box, and I like soccer. I haven't played it much, recently, though. Do you play anything? We could kick a ball around sometime!"

Bitter.Sweet.Sundown. @caution

[DEVIN ANDREW FULLER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: dddddd; border: #386337 solid 8px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] or maybe I should kill myself The Words: 633 Reserved: pepper The Notes powerwalk. Devin felt a bit more at ease around the boy, the anxious feeling that crawled through him had died down a bit. Seth overwhelmed him – he had gone months, years keeping too himself without feeling like he wanted anyone. Meeting him had set that all off, everything crumbled around him with too many overwhelming feelings that lead Dev feeling like he had no god damn idea what he was doing anymore (well, he hadn’t actually had any idea to be honest). Nodding his head when Eddie said it was fine, a loud sigh fell through his lips as he trudged along toward the stadium. The quiet was nice, the only sound came from the soft clouds of air that fell from his lips along with the crunching of their footfalls. He found it relaxing, listening to the frost covered ground crunch. It wasn’t something that could be achieved in the hotter weather, just another reason to why he disliked the summer. He probably shouldn’t have said he hadn’t been here very long, considering all of a sudden the time had gone by and the year had passed. It didn’t feel like long, somehow lost in his own mind the days had slipped away. Though he didn’t know where his own classes were on a good day, it took a bit of finding when he actually dragged himself there for lack of other things to do (he wondered if he was even on the attendance list anymore – he figured he had to be if he was still enrolled in the school). “I’ve been here for a few months,” he said gruffly, running his tongue over his chapped lips. “But I don’t really know where anything is. Couldn’t be bothered to figure it out.” He knew where his room was and how to get out of it, which was really all he felt he needed to know. “Uh,” he mumbled, looking over at him. “I don’t really explore.” Which wasn’t a lie, he couldn’t be bothered to go look around. The boy fell in to step beside him, and he continued on without hesitation. There weren’t really any other places he could show him… maybe where to get food, but that wasn’t hard to find. The guy – Eddie? Yeah, Eddie – he looked smart enough to find food before he starved, or so Devin assumed. He almost laughed when he was asked if he did any sports, he had never been one with much athletic ability as a child. His parents had tried to enroll him in sports when he had been much, much younger but their attempts hadn’t gotten far. “Probably is,” he replied shortly, the school seemed to have every damn thing that someone could think of – so a track team seemed pretty likely. Wrinkling his nose as he mentioned running, that certainly wasn’t something he enjoyed. He couldn’t even go up the stairs without getting winded, let alone drag himself out of bed to go running. There was a good chance he’d die of a heart attack, or lack of oxygen trying to run – the whole running fad just sounded like a lot more work than it was worth to him. “Nah. No sports for me.” Shaking his head, he blinked over at him when he suggested they could kick a ball around sometime. “Uh… maybe.” Maybe as in there was no way in hell Devin was going to do that. Falling to a stop when the football stadium came in to view, he didn’t feel like going the extra distance over there. Gesturing to it, he looked over at Eddie once more. “There it is. You just keep going down the path to get there. They sometimes throw big events down there – or something like that.” created by ADE! Pb-ified by WILL

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